well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just gargled with NyQuil
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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