she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
