and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
