Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
