last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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