i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
