thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
