I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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