from now on my penis is your penis
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
