Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
