In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did you just send me my own nude
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
