Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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