I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
