I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
