If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
