I wish I could punch you in the face.
so explain again why im purple
no
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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