At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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