i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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