They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize