you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
