Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
