He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
