Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
