His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
