She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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