i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
