Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
