I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
