note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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