6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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