Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize