i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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