He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize