i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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