FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
