you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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