He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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