I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize