Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
