Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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