The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
