Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Congratulations! We have a period
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
