Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
