So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
