Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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