Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
