Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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