I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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