she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
