A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
