I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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