I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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