i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
