Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let's paint friendship bongs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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