Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
