I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
