i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize