I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
