put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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