Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Pants are for mortals
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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