he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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