ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
