can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
