Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
