I skipped work to stalk him.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
