too bad you live with your parents still
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
