you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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