"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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