I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
