I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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