i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
