Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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