Im at strip club and am horny
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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